How to Find Yourself Again
(Even If You’re Covered in Crumbs)
Reclaiming identity beyond the roles
— with humor, heart, and a good vacuum.
There are crumbs in my car. Crumbs in my purse. Crumbs in my bed — and I don’t even eat in bed. I wish I could say they were metaphorical crumbs, but no… they’re actual cracker shrapnel, granola bits, and suspicious flakes I no longer try to identify.
Motherhood is messy. Life is messier. And somewhere between the packed lunches, carpools, college visits, and middle school meltdowns, I realized something:
I couldn’t find myself.
I mean, I was there — of course. I was the one remembering to sign the permission slips, send the birthday gifts, pay the orthodontist, and teach 8th period with a smile. But “me-me”? She was somewhere under the laundry pile and behind the to-do list.
Now that I’m in my 40s — with four kids out of diapers and well into their own little (and big) life journeys — I’m on a new mission:
To find myself again.
But First, the Backstory
I gave my 20s to my education. I chased degrees like they were Pokémon — business, finance, education, educational technology, engineering, and theatre. I was going to be everything. Or maybe I was trying to figure out what version of me felt most like home.
Then came my 30s — the decade of building: a marriage, a home, a family, and a career in education that taught me just as much as I ever taught anyone else. These years were beautiful and bone-tired. Fulfilling and frustrating. Love-filled and completely self-sacrificial.
And now, here I am in my 40s.
My house is still loud. The calendar is still packed — from little league to heartbreaks, varsity sports to college searches. But the pace has changed.
And so have I.
And I didn’t do any of it alone.
I have a husband who loves me deeply, supports me unconditionally, and shows up for our family in big and small ways — as a devoted father, husband, and true friend. His strength has been a steady anchor through the waves of growing up and growing a family.
But even with love around me and support behind me, I still sometimes forgot who I was when I wasn’t serving everyone else.
Growing Up with Adults
Something one starts to learn — especially in their 40s — is that growing older doesn’t always mean growing up. And while we all do our best, sometimes adulthood can feel a little like high school with mortgages.
One might spend years trying to smooth things over, keep the peace, and make space for others — even when that space came at their own expense. Speaking from experience, I’ve always tried to be kind, inclusive, and patient — I believe everyone deserves a chance. And I still believe that. But one does not need to stay small to make others feel comfortable.
But I’ve also learned this:
Being loving doesn’t mean losing yourself.
Being kind doesn’t mean staying quiet.
And giving people chances doesn’t mean ignoring how they make you feel.
Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes the dynamic shifts. Sometimes it just becomes clear that a little space is the healthiest thing for everyone involved.
And that’s not selfish — that’s self-awareness.
It’s not rude — it’s respectful, for both sides.
It’s not stuck up — it’s steady.
We can grow with others, and still grow away from what no longer fits.
And that’s okay. More than okay — it’s growth.
I’m Not “Reclaiming” Myself
— I’m Reintroducing Myself
Reclaiming sounds like I lost something.
But maybe I didn’t lose me — maybe I just set myself aside, like a plate you don’t want to break.
I protected myself while I poured into others.
Now, I’m dusting off the parts of me that still sparkle. The ones that never really left, just got drowned out by the needs
of the people I love.
And guess what?
I started this blog not just to share my voice — but to hear it again.
If you’re reading this and feeling a little lost in the layers — mom, wife, teacher, planner, caregiver, fixer — you’re not broken.
You’re not selfish for wanting more. And you’re not alone.
You may just be overdue for a reintroduction.
Here’s how I’m finding myself again — crumbs, chaos, and all:
Borrowing Back Time
I steal ten quiet minutes when I can — to journal, to breathe, or just to sit in silence without solving someone else’s problem.
Pursuing Joy, Not Just Productivity
I say yes to the things that make me feel alive — writing, learning, creating, dreaming — even if they don’t check a box.
Ditching the Guilt
I don’t have to earn rest. I don’t need to justify space for myself. Resting doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving my people.
Leaning into Love
My husband reminds me constantly that I’m more than what I do. He holds space for me to explore who I am now, and I’m learning to hold that space for myself, too.
Honoring the Season I’m In
I’m not starting over — I’m starting again, with a little more clarity, a lot more laughter, and grace that I didn’t have in my 20s or 30s.
Finding Yourself (Even in the Crumbs)
If you’re looking for your “you” again — whether she’s buried under the dishes or hiding behind your work badge — I invite you to start small. Reclaim five minutes. Reclaim one hobby. Reclaim your laugh.
You deserve a space where your name comes first — not just “Mom of…” or “Mrs.” or “Honey, where’s the…”
And if no one’s told you lately, let me be the first:
You’re still in there. You’re still worth rediscovering.
Vacuum the crumbs. Or don’t.
But whatever you do, don’t forget yourself.
Cheers to thriving, not just surviving — and remember, your Mommy Mindset Matters.
Until next time,
Get In Touch!
I read every message and try to respond as soon as possible.
Let’s support each other, grow together, and remind one another that our mindset truly does matter.
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✨ Can’t wait to connect with you!