Back-to-School
Parenting Tip:
Teaching Kids That Being Friends
and Being Friendly is NOT the Same Thing
As a mom of high schoolers, a brand-new middle schooler, and an elementary kiddo — plus decades in the classroom myself — back-to-school season always brings a fresh wave of emotions. Excitement. Nerves. New beginnings. And honestly? A lot of reminders about the little life lessons that matter most.
One thing I’ve learned over the years — both as a teacher and a parent — is this: being friends and being friendly are not the same thing.
We’ve all heard the cute sayings like “spread kindness like confetti” or the simple “be kind.” Lovely sentiments, but let’s be real — they don’t always stick. Not with kids. Not with teenagers. Not even with adults.
But here’s a shift that does seem to land better:
👉 “You don’t have to be friends,
but you can be friendly.”
It’s a small difference in words, but a huge difference in how kids (and even we grown-ups) understand relationships.
What Being Friendly Actually Looks Like
Friendly doesn’t mean best friends forever. It doesn’t mean playdates, sleepovers, or sitting together at lunch. It simply means showing basic respect and humanity — and sometimes, it opens the door to “more friends” (notice I didn’t say new friends).
Who doesn’t need more friends in their corner?
Saying hello when you pass someone in the hallway.
Partnering up with “that kid” for a project without rolling your eyes.
Including someone in a group activity at recess.
Working together respectfully, even if they’re not your favorite person.
When Childhood Friend Groups Shift
Another layer to this “friends vs. friendly” lesson shows up when kids start drifting from the circles they were raised in.
As parents, we often build our kids’ early friendships around our own. Playdates, sports teams, birthday parties, church groups — those early bonds usually happen because we make them happen.
Our kids grow up side by side with the children of our friends, and for a while, that works beautifully.
But as they get older, kids start to figure out who they really connect with — and who they don’t. That’s where things get complicated:
- They may realize they don’t actually share interests with the kids they grew up around.
- They may feel guilty about not wanting to be close with “the group.”
And sometimes, being forced to keep up those friendships feels even lonelier than moving on.
No one wants their child to feel left out or alone. But here’s the truth: we can’t force real friendship.
What we can do is teach our kids that while they don’t have to stay best friends with the kids they’ve always known,
they can still be friendly.
Respectful. Tolerant. Inclusive.
That’s a much healthier mindset than clinging to relationships that don’t really fit anymore.
It gives them permission to grow while still treating others well.
Why This Matters
As parents and teachers, we’ve all seen the look on a child’s face when they get paired up with someone they don’t want to work with. My immediate thought is always: “Hold up! You don’t have to be their bestie. You just need to be friendly.”
That’s doable. That sticks. That’s how we raise kids who know how to navigate real-world relationships — because in life, we don’t always choose our coworkers, neighbors, or even family dynamics. But we can choose to be friendly.
A Back-to-School Mantra for Moms and Kids
So as we sharpen pencils, pack backpacks, and prepare for another school year, maybe tuck this little mantra in your heart (and share it with your kids):
✨ “You don’t have to be friends, but you can be friendly.” ✨
It’s simple. It’s practical. And it might just make those back-to-school transitions a little smoother for everyone.
You’ve got this, mama. ❤️
Cheers to thriving, not just surviving
— and remember, your Mommy Mindset Matters.
Until next time,
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I read every message and try to respond as soon as possible.
Let’s support each other, grow together, and remind one another that our mindset truly does matter.
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✨ Can’t wait to connect with you!